I wish I could punch you in the face.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
