I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
