even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
