So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
