wakey wakey hands off snakey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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