the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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