I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a side note pls kill me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
