Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
