too bad you live with your parents still
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
