Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How does one acquire holy water?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize