just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i would punch a child for taco bell
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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