I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mom said you looked used
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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