so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
