Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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