You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
