Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
40s are totally the cure
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
