he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
