bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
