DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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