saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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