hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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