I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
