its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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