gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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