I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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