we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
