how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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