the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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