My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
