someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
