I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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