He asked to "fluff my boner.."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
