Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think people are normalizing furries
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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