she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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