Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
