i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
