Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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