He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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