I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
