Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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