she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We left the knife in your bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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