I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
