69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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