I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
