Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
