The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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