I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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