Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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