Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FUCK WHALES
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize