You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
