Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
