just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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