You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
