I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize