so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
