Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she peed on how many people?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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