I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
