If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
