the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
