hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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