I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize