yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
