Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
