all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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