i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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