Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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