Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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