Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
