Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
