real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
