id be glad to
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize