she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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