I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
