You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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