Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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