I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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