idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
