just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
