it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
