his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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