doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
