tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
