okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
