Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
