Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
