how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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