He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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