It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
