Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
