My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
