At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
